MISSION WANTED: Co-Conspirator for High - Stakes Personal Mission (Non-Platonic Benefits Will Be Available on Friday) ​Status: Outcalls and INCALL Will Also Be Available!!! Clearance Required: Level 5 (Must be comfortable with direct eye contact and witty banter under pressure) Objective: To join the highly exclusive, Galactic Federation of the Milky Way Galaxy, for a mission that requires absolute chemistry, zero boundaries, and a mutual appreciation for dark and raw humor. ​The Target Demographic: ​A male operative who looks good in a tailored suit but isn't afraid to get his hands dirty when we have to inevitably flee a high-end cocktail lounge because Agent H.J. "accidentally" triggered the fire suppression system. (Which isn't the first time) ​Essential Qualifications: 🫟Witty Repartee Under Fire: If I throw a sarcastic one-liner at you while we are "evading capture" (escaping the smoke detector aliens), you must be able to return fire with interest. 🫟No Platonic Baggage: If you are looking for a buddy to watch football and talk about lawn care with, call someone else. This is a non-platonic operation. High chemistry is non-negotiable. 🫟Agent H.J. Approval: You must pass a rigorous screening process conducted by Agent H.J. If I give you the look of death, you’re out. If I let you buy me a drink AND M&M's, you’re totally in. 🫟Alibi Proficiency: Must be able to effortlessly lie to hotel concierges and make it believable, about why we need the penthouse suite with the oversized hot tub for "surveillance purposes." 🫟​Operational Perks: ​🔹You get immediate access to the agency’s new military-grade espresso machine. 🔹​The dress code alternates strictly between "Tactical All-Black" and "Unreasonably Striking," or my favorite, "Just Naked." ​🔹Excellent hazard pay that's not too harsh on your wallet. (mostly paid out in USD but with experience gained in high-end banter, adrenaline spikes, and tips on how to have zero boring moments). 🫟​How to Apply: ​Submit, by texting, your top three survival skills, and a statement confirming you can handle a woman who delivers on the promise of the absolute, most BEST EXPERIENCE you can remember having in a long time! 💡Don't forget to ask Agent H.J. about the specials available if you write her a review ​🖍Note: If you take yourself too seriously, the automated defense system will reject your application immediately.